Girl, Chill

So, I am very good at overthinking just about everything. It’s quite the talent. If you need any pointers on how to be a professional over thinker, just let me know and I’ll be more than happy to help!

Now in saying that, we’ve begun a series in Bible Study watching Beth Moore’s “The Basket Case” and man, two weeks in and I already feel myself being less anxious about the things around me. Actually after the first week, I was so calm, my response to my husband, Matt, over a text message started a thread of argumentative responses that ended with me crying over the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I was making for my two-year-old, Savannah. Not to mention my five month old, Austin, was waking up from his nap and the last thing I needed to do was become undone because my husband fired off some “mean” responses. Remember, I’m an over thinker and the last thing I needed to do was work myself up thinking of some responses to fire back at the love of my life. I did have the final word by using his words against him and agreeing that in the moment he was being the bad guy after the text before that told him he made me cry…

Twenty minutes after I told him he was the bad guy, he text back asking if I wanted him to bring me coffee home and of course I said, “Yes!” Here’s the crazy thing though, I was calm when I responded. I didn’t feel my anxiety rise at the thought of him coming home and round two taking place! It turned into a civil conversation and he saw where the misunderstanding came on his part. And I realized that my calm demeanor didn’t really translate well in text. It came across as a little passive and I really wasn’t going for that.

One thing I stressed to Matt was that I really took Beth Moore’s words to heart about giving all my anxiety to God and leaving it there. In a nutshell, she was saying how anxiety can destroy our lives. We become a mess and can make a mess of the people around us with our anxiety. I am 30 and I don’t want to be an anxious adult, raising anxious children, and passing my anxiety on to my husband. If I’m the child of God I claim to be, it’s high time I start acting like it and take God’s word and promises to heart and give Him the cares that keep me up at night. And by beginning to do that, I’ve been sleeping like a baby (as much as my actual baby will let me) at night. I even started exercising and changing my eating habits and I feel better!

I’m learning to chill out! I’m learning to be less anxious because that anxiety destroys and it kills. God did not put me on this earth to be chained down by what people did or didn’t do, by what did happen or didn’t happen. That chain falls off when I inhale all that makes me anxious and exhale all that is Jesus.

By overthinking things a lot less and relaxing a lot more know God is in control, I’m enjoying life more and rejoicing when things work out better than Matt or I could imagine!

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Oh, The Words I Could Write

My present location is The Red Cat Coffeehouse in Birmingham. My original plan was to go to the Birmingham Museum of Art first and then pick a coffeehouse to hang out in. But plans don’t always go the way we want, so I’m sitting in my favorite coffeehouse in Birmingham and I’m doing some much needed writing. I’ll pick a day of the week to have my littles watched and then come up to Birmingham and visit the museum when it isn’t so busy.

So, it’s nice to be out of my comfort zone. I’m out of my messy, cozy apartment. I’m out of my city. I’m away from my usual distractions and all I can think is, “Yay, let’s write!” When I’m not writing, I’m doing a lot of thinking, and I’ve had a lot of time to, once again, figure out what I want my blog focus to be! It’s pretty obvious too: my adventures as a stay-at-home mom! There’s never a dull moment in the Pezzulo household and I need to document my shenanigans more often. I’m far from perfect as a wife and mother. I don’t care about sharing my flaws and I definitely don’t care about who will say what based on my highs and lows in my everyday life!

I’m enjoying a very delicious drink called The Persian and I’m excited to think about all the things I could write about today! The real challenge though is finding the time to write between Austin spitting up on me and cleaning up whatever mess Savannah decided to make while drinking water out of her sippy cup!

Challenge accepted for getting more writing done while keeping my children alive! Today is a breeze to write because I don’t have any distractions. But today is again my starting point to become more consistent with my writing!

New Leafs in Marriage

Marriage is definitely a daily challenge. Not a hard challenge, but a daily one. The challenge for me is to love my husband more than I did the day before. The challenge for me is to know more about him than than I did the day before.

Marriage is also hard work. It’s a good hard work, but I’m learning it’s hard work. You don’t just say “I Do!” and then start deciding what you will do and won’t do. That won’t make for a productive marriage. At least, that’s what I’m learning.

I love my husband, otherwise, he wouldn’t be my husband. And while I say there’s nothing (legal) I wouldn’t do for my husband, I quickly do a mental run through of things I probably wouldn’t do. I Heading into my third year of marriage, I want to start changing that mindset. My husband is always going above and beyond for me and our daughter because that’s how he’s wired. I don’t mind going above and beyond, the mood just has to fit me. It’s time to start rewiring that part of my mind.

I don’t view marriage as a contract. I view it as a covenant. I have to remember that and I have to act accordingly. Most of the time I don’t do something, it’s not because I can’t, it’s because I don’t want to. That’s not fair to my husband. And I’m not saying he doesn’t have those kinds of days, but he has them far less often than I do.

 

Stay-at-Home Mom

So, my journey as a stay-at-home mother will begin at the beginning of September instead of the end of October. Doctor’s orders have a way of changing things, so for the duration of my pregnancy with my baby boy, I’ll be home having fun with my daughter, freaking out about where everything is going to go in the apartment, and pouring over Crockpot recipes to figure out which one I’ll finally make first.

Granted, all of this is happening sooner than expected, and yes, I’m totally freaking out about it, but I’m also really happy and excited. I have to trust God in this next chapter in life. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know Who holds that future, so with that knowledge alone, I know my family and I will be okay! We will be more than okay, even when we don’t feel like we are.

I’ll have to get into a new rhythm once I have my weekends back. Instead of leaving for work at six in the evening every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I’ll be eating dinner with my family and getting my daughter ready for bed. Instead of sleeping half the day on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, I’ll be up and cooking breakfast for my family or negotiating with my daughter as to why she can’t have pudding for breakfast. Not coming home at seven in the morning on Sundays means I can start going back to church and that is something I’m very excited about.

Getting used to not bringing in an income on a regular basis is also something I will have to adjust to as well. I have to realize that my worth and value are not tied to a paycheck. Being home with my family and making sure they are taken care of is important to me. Also, I can look for ways to become more creative from home, which shouldn’t be too hard with a toddler.

Life as I know it is about to become more interesting. And I’m looking forward to every moment of it!

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