Lately, life hasn’t been working out the way I would like for it to. And naturally, it’s easy to look at the worst, but today I realized that life isn’t working out the way I want it to for the best. A lot has been happening that isn’t allowing me to get comfortable. With comfort comes complacency and motivation can become very hard to obtain.
I have the time (in between wrangling two children) to work on the creative endeavors I have been wanting to get to now. It’s the starting point where it’s important to not be discouraged, but to keep working every single day towards the one thing I want the most. And that is to be my own boss. It’s hard work, but it allows me to generate an income doing what I love and lets me spend time with my children. I set my schedule, instead of others setting it for me.
I have the time to read and write and create. Sure, I have to squeeze that time in between taking care of Savannah and Austin, but I have the time. I’m beginning to see the positives and that is making all the difference.
That’s all for this post! I’ll try and have something more elaborate later!
I absolutely love when something that was just covered in Bible Study plays out in real life for me! Yes, sarcasm was intended!
Now, something happened that didn’t sit well with me (it all worked out though) and I handled it just like my two-year-old would, only there were five dollar curse words involved (Jesus is still working on me) and an obscene amount of tears. Now, as previously stated in parenthesis, everything did work out. But it was in the moments that it seemed like it wasn’t going to work out, I learned some things about myself…
-I’m pretty arrogant. More arrogant than I wanted to admit to…
-I’m pretty selfish. I need to stop being so quick to see how I’m affected by a situation when there are other people involved…
-I’m a professional at overreacting. I never stopped to think that there are other solutions to the “problems” I’m having…
But the biggest thing I learned about myself is that I’m quick to forget to trust God and whatever He has planned. I’m very quick to take matters into my own hands and then I make them worse than they originally would have been! But again, this is one time where everything did work out even when it looked like it wouldn’t!
But what happens when I’m bold enough to think that the plans of Krystal are a match for the plans of God and I lose (obviously!)? See, I tend to forget that God’s ways are higher than mine and even when it doesn’t feel like it, He intends for my good and His glory. I always intend for my good and my glory. I take my eyes off trusting God when everything is going the way I want. But what happens when I truly and boldly lay out plans with the mindset that I can control the outcome and then everything that’s out of my control happens and all my plans fall apart and cannot be salvaged? That’s when I’ll see what my faith is made of. And while I would like to proudly state my first thought would be to trust God, I know that sadly, that won’t be the case. I will get upset first. And then I will kick and scream and curse and cry and probably drink a bottle of wine (I’m a mess, I know, but remember work in progress at giving Jesus the wheel).
I don’t want to be the kind of Christian that becomes so comfortable in life that I forget my faith lies in Christ and not in myself. I don’t want to become so comfortable that I think I’m in control and forget that it’s God who really is. How I respond to everything that happens is what will tell the story of my character and faith. And while I’m at the seventh grade level of being a Christian, I’ve come a long way and I still have a long way to go. But I’m thankful for the reminders to trust God. And I’m thankful for the reminders to be humble because there’s nothing appealing about arrogance!
And the time has come again where I need to get rid of stuff around the apartment. This will be the second purge of material possessions in less than a year! There’s just too much stuff! And between Savannah and Austin and all the toys the two have accumulated, there needs to be a balance! I feel at the age of 30 I’m mature enough to get rid of things I no longer use to make room for toys!
But seriously, I have a lot of crap that is in good condition and could be put to proper use by other people. Some things can be sold, some things can be donated, other things can just be given away! It’s beginning to make less sense to hold onto things that I haven’t used in over six months and won’t get to using in another six months. That is my new personal rule: if it ain’t being used and it ain’t getting used, give it away!
I want my home to feel like a home! The only clutter I want to dig through are my childrens’ toys. So this next will be an interesting one! Hopefully I’ll be able to get to my desk by the time I’m done!
Okay, so now I’m presently at Urban Standard in Birmingham. I went to Seeds Coffee first, but they were completely busy and there was nowhere to sit. So here I am, trying a new coffeehouse while spending a day in Birmingham. I’ve done a lot of driving around and I have to admit, I’m appreciating Huntsville so much more! Huntsville definitely feels like home since I’m away from it!
Anyway, being at another coffeehouse has led me to another conclusion: I don’t need to put some kind of schedule to my blog posting. Just write the words and then post the words and let people read the words! That definitely takes the brain work out of it all. Instead of overthinking the process, I’ll just go with it. That’s basically how my time in Birmingham has been going. One thing doesn’t work as expected, I’ll just go to the next thing. Being open to things going wrong has made things interesting. For today, I don’t mind it so much because all I’m doing is finding places to drink coffee.
But even in coffee drinking, I’m taking little lessons and putting them on a grander scale. So here are a few things I’ve learned today:
Not everything is going to go as planned. Throwing tantrums won’t solve anything. Plus, I have a two year old and her tantrums are enough!
Stop overthinking things. Work smarter, not harder, especially when the solution is simple.
Have fun with what I’m doing!
Let setbacks be setups for something greater! So cliché, but whatever!
So far, I’ve had a pretty productive day! I’ve got more writing done today than I have in awhile! Also, being in the car for an extended period of time has given me the opportunity to work on my vocals too!
My present location is The Red Cat Coffeehouse in Birmingham. My original plan was to go to the Birmingham Museum of Art first and then pick a coffeehouse to hang out in. But plans don’t always go the way we want, so I’m sitting in my favorite coffeehouse in Birmingham and I’m doing some much needed writing. I’ll pick a day of the week to have my littles watched and then come up to Birmingham and visit the museum when it isn’t so busy.
So, it’s nice to be out of my comfort zone. I’m out of my messy, cozy apartment. I’m out of my city. I’m away from my usual distractions and all I can think is, “Yay, let’s write!” When I’m not writing, I’m doing a lot of thinking, and I’ve had a lot of time to, once again, figure out what I want my blog focus to be! It’s pretty obvious too: my adventures as a stay-at-home mom! There’s never a dull moment in the Pezzulo household and I need to document my shenanigans more often. I’m far from perfect as a wife and mother. I don’t care about sharing my flaws and I definitely don’t care about who will say what based on my highs and lows in my everyday life!
I’m enjoying a very delicious drink called The Persian and I’m excited to think about all the things I could write about today! The real challenge though is finding the time to write between Austin spitting up on me and cleaning up whatever mess Savannah decided to make while drinking water out of her sippy cup!
Challenge accepted for getting more writing done while keeping my children alive! Today is a breeze to write because I don’t have any distractions. But today is again my starting point to become more consistent with my writing!
It has definitely been a good day. It’s amazing what ten-plus hours of sleep can do for a person! And the silence of not hearing a crying baby and a screaming toddler is pretty nice too. Although, admittedly, I do miss the noise, but only a little. It’s just been nice to have a break and remember what it feels like to sleep and eat food while it’s still hot. What else has been cool is being able to just leave without having two tiny humans tagging along. It was weird, just walking out the door by myself, but still nice!
Now don’t get me wrong, I love Savannah and Austin, but it has been nice to get in bed and stay there unless I have to go to the bathroom! But staying in bed wasn’t that hard last night because I decided it would be a good idea to take down an entire bottle of Riesling. I remember everything I did last night, so I didn’t get plastered. However, I did have a lot of fun dancing in the kitchen and painting. Now, never again will I drink an entire bottle of wine by myself in one evening. Next time, I’ll stretch it over two.
I had fun jumping on the couch this afternoon, just because I could. I see why Savannah loves jumping on the couch more than the beds, but I still have to be a responsible adult and tell her
not to jump on either one. Shoot, I almost fell off the couch while jumping on it. That would be very fun to explain if I did fall and definitely hurt something.
Right now, I’m a 30 year old, sitting in her favorite coffee shop working on this blog and maybe a little more writing before heading home and doing something else stupid like laundry and cleaning the kitchen! I cherish these days. They remind me that I love my children, but I also love my me time!
So by the grace of God have I survived this past month. I knew it was going to be an adjustment for Savannah once Austin was born, but I underestimated how much of an effect it would have on her. I know every child reacts differently to things. When my little brother was born, I was excited and couldn’t wait to hold him. Depending on which way the wind is blowing, Savannah may or may not be excited about her brother’s existence. Some moments she’s announcing his diaper change while I’m changing his diaper. Other moments she’s trying to take down the Christmas tree or slap me because I can’t immediately give her the attention she wants. It’s all expected and I’m handling it with a lot of patience, prayer, and the occasional very stern mom voice.
But let’s throw something else into this lovely equation of going from one child to two. Savannah is two. And she’s in that sweet spot of being a two year old where all hell can break loose at any given moment and I forget to call on the name of Jesus and ask Him to take the wheel. She lets off screams at decibels that shouldn’t exist. She’s a tornado, hurricane, and tsunami all in one when making a mess. She’s a freaking bottomless pit who eats more cereal and chicken nuggets than a grown-up. She treats naptime and bedtime like it’s a capital punishment. And she tends to have monopoly on my iPad with ABC Mouse and on the television with Mickey and the Roadster Racers. Meanwhile, Austin is either noisily sleeping or noisily eating. My desire for a third child went out the window in my second trimester of pregnancy with Austin. But now that he’s here, the idea of making him a middle child has been obliterated! I’m thankful for my daughter and son.
I know one day I’ll look up and Savannah will be off to college and Austin will be asking if he can have her room. I know the days are long and the years are short. And as stressful as it can be raising tiny human beings, I wouldn’t trade any of these moments away for anything. Sure, I wish Savannah would be less of a daredevil and listen more. And yes, I wish she would stop taking my food, but one day I’m going to look up and she will a civilized human being who’s ready to take on the world. And a day will come when Austin sleeps through the night and he’ll be crawling behind Savannah trying to keep up. I’ll have to endure his terrible two phase and I’ll probably want to relocate him to his grandparents permanently, but the day will come when he’s a grown man with a family of his own.
One thing is definitely for sure though. I won’t be in short supply of writing material anytime soon!