Girl, Chill

So, I am very good at overthinking just about everything. It’s quite the talent. If you need any pointers on how to be a professional over thinker, just let me know and I’ll be more than happy to help!

Now in saying that, we’ve begun a series in Bible Study watching Beth Moore’s “The Basket Case” and man, two weeks in and I already feel myself being less anxious about the things around me. Actually after the first week, I was so calm, my response to my husband, Matt, over a text message started a thread of argumentative responses that ended with me crying over the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I was making for my two-year-old, Savannah. Not to mention my five month old, Austin, was waking up from his nap and the last thing I needed to do was become undone because my husband fired off some “mean” responses. Remember, I’m an over thinker and the last thing I needed to do was work myself up thinking of some responses to fire back at the love of my life. I did have the final word by using his words against him and agreeing that in the moment he was being the bad guy after the text before that told him he made me cry…

Twenty minutes after I told him he was the bad guy, he text back asking if I wanted him to bring me coffee home and of course I said, “Yes!” Here’s the crazy thing though, I was calm when I responded. I didn’t feel my anxiety rise at the thought of him coming home and round two taking place! It turned into a civil conversation and he saw where the misunderstanding came on his part. And I realized that my calm demeanor didn’t really translate well in text. It came across as a little passive and I really wasn’t going for that.

One thing I stressed to Matt was that I really took Beth Moore’s words to heart about giving all my anxiety to God and leaving it there. In a nutshell, she was saying how anxiety can destroy our lives. We become a mess and can make a mess of the people around us with our anxiety. I am 30 and I don’t want to be an anxious adult, raising anxious children, and passing my anxiety on to my husband. If I’m the child of God I claim to be, it’s high time I start acting like it and take God’s word and promises to heart and give Him the cares that keep me up at night. And by beginning to do that, I’ve been sleeping like a baby (as much as my actual baby will let me) at night. I even started exercising and changing my eating habits and I feel better!

I’m learning to chill out! I’m learning to be less anxious because that anxiety destroys and it kills. God did not put me on this earth to be chained down by what people did or didn’t do, by what did happen or didn’t happen. That chain falls off when I inhale all that makes me anxious and exhale all that is Jesus.

By overthinking things a lot less and relaxing a lot more know God is in control, I’m enjoying life more and rejoicing when things work out better than Matt or I could imagine!

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The Audacity of Planning

I absolutely love when something that was just covered in Bible Study plays out in real life for me! Yes, sarcasm was intended!

Now, something happened that didn’t sit well with me (it all worked out though) and I handled it just like my two-year-old would, only there were five dollar curse words involved (Jesus is still working on me) and an obscene amount of tears. Now, as previously stated in parenthesis, everything did work out. But it was in the moments that it seemed like it wasn’t going to work out, I learned some things about myself…

-I’m pretty arrogant. More arrogant than I wanted to admit to…

-I’m pretty selfish. I need to stop being so quick to see how I’m affected by a situation when there are other people involved…

-I’m a professional at overreacting. I never stopped to think that there are other solutions to the “problems” I’m having…

But the biggest thing I learned about myself is that I’m quick to forget to trust God and whatever He has planned. I’m very quick to take matters into my own hands and then I make them worse than they originally would have been! But again, this is one time where everything did work out even when it looked like it wouldn’t!

But what happens when I’m bold enough to think that the plans of Krystal are a match for the plans of God and I lose (obviously!)? See, I tend to forget that God’s ways are higher than mine and even when it doesn’t feel like it, He intends for my good and His glory. I always intend for my good and my glory. I take my eyes off trusting God when everything is going the way I want. But what happens when I truly and boldly lay out plans with the mindset that I can control the outcome and then everything that’s out of my control happens and all my plans fall apart and cannot be salvaged? That’s when I’ll see what my faith is made of. And while I would like to proudly state my first thought would be to trust God, I know that sadly, that won’t be the case. I will get upset first. And then I will kick and scream and curse and cry and probably drink a bottle of wine (I’m a mess, I know, but remember work in progress at giving Jesus the wheel).

I don’t want to be the kind of Christian that becomes so comfortable in life that I forget my faith lies in Christ and not in myself. I don’t want to become so comfortable that I think I’m in control and forget that it’s God who really is. How I respond to everything that happens is what will tell the story of my character and faith. And while I’m at the seventh grade level of being a Christian, I’ve come a long way and I still have a long way to go. But I’m thankful for the reminders to trust God. And I’m thankful for the reminders to be humble because there’s nothing appealing about arrogance!

Fall Into Place

I’ve recently come to two conclusions…

The first conclusion is now that I’m a stay-at-home mom, I don’t ever want to have to punch on to somebody else’s time clock. And as a result of that first conclusion, the second conclusion is that I need to work extra hard on that which God has created me to love. 

tom-holmes-556809-unsplashI am passionate about writing, photography, and art. And I am passionate about travel. It’s time to stop being afraid of doing and actually start doing. I’m not living my life if I’m just sitting on the sidelines waiting for everything to perfectly fall into place.

Life would definitely be much more fulfilling for me, if I stopped being afraid of mistakes, shortcomings, setbacks, and the opinions of others. Life would be much more adventurous if I stop waiting for the right moment and just create the right moment. Sure, I have a two-year-old daughter and another one due in December, but they can come along on the adventures. I have to stop using motherhood as an excuse to stay home all the time and not go anywhere or do anything. I also have to stop waiting for my toddler to be 100% cooperative before we get ready to go anywhere as well.

I can take the easy route and wait for things to fall into place before I just get up and go and start doing things. But I’ve been taking that route for awhile and nothing that was truly amazing has come of it. So now is the time to take the road less traveled and start making things happen. If I want an adventure, then I simply need to start taking an adventure!

 

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