Fall Into Place

I’ve recently come to two conclusions…

The first conclusion is now that I’m a stay-at-home mom, I don’t ever want to have to punch on to somebody else’s time clock. And as a result of that first conclusion, the second conclusion is that I need to work extra hard on that which God has created me to love. 

tom-holmes-556809-unsplashI am passionate about writing, photography, and art. And I am passionate about travel. It’s time to stop being afraid of doing and actually start doing. I’m not living my life if I’m just sitting on the sidelines waiting for everything to perfectly fall into place.

Life would definitely be much more fulfilling for me, if I stopped being afraid of mistakes, shortcomings, setbacks, and the opinions of others. Life would be much more adventurous if I stop waiting for the right moment and just create the right moment. Sure, I have a two-year-old daughter and another one due in December, but they can come along on the adventures. I have to stop using motherhood as an excuse to stay home all the time and not go anywhere or do anything. I also have to stop waiting for my toddler to be 100% cooperative before we get ready to go anywhere as well.

I can take the easy route and wait for things to fall into place before I just get up and go and start doing things. But I’ve been taking that route for awhile and nothing that was truly amazing has come of it. So now is the time to take the road less traveled and start making things happen. If I want an adventure, then I simply need to start taking an adventure!

 

The Writing that Scares Me

I was driving home from the library today, when I realized that I need to become more serious about my writing. Even if I don’t share the writing, I need to start taking the time to write the things that scare me. One big reason why I love writing so much is because it allows me the freedom to be whatever voice I want to be. And while I’ve grown comfortable with the many different voices I can be in my writing, the voice I’ve come to fear most is my own. It’s not so much that I won’t like what I have to say because I’m with my thoughts all the time. I’m perfectly fine with what I have to say, it’s just the fear that others won’t like what I have to say. But being fearful of the opinion of others should not keep me from taking a more serious approach to my craft.

So, even if I don’t post anything serious for a long time, I can at least start practicing. And when I get comfortable with balancing being a goofball and being serious with my writing, it won’t matter what I write, when I share it, or the reactions that I get. I just want to become more comfortable with every aspect of who I am as a writer.

 

Hover Mode Deactivated

I’ve come to the conclusion that if I want to accomplish anything during the day, I cannot keep hovering over my child. Yes, she’s two. Yes, things happen quickly. But I do not have the time to hover over her every move. Now, I’ve recently come to this conclusion, so I’m still getting used to the decision I’ve recently made as a mother.

The first reason why I cannot hover over my daughter all the time is because it doesn’t teach her independence. It also means I will never get anything done throughout the day. If she’s in the living room watching Frozen or Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, I’m not a bad mom for going into the kitchen to clean it up after breakfast or lunch. I can see her in the living room from the kitchen and if she’s glued to the television, I know she’s not going anywhere. I check on her periodically and she’s either still glued to the television or she’s messing with the television. Do I trust my two-year-old? Definitely not! But is she learning that even though Mommy is not right there, she’ll still get caught doing something? Absolutely!

The second reason I’m learning to stop hovering over my daughter is she has moments throughout the day where that independence I want her to learn is actually showing up. She will go in her room and start playing by herself. That leaves me open to start a load of laundry or fold the load I just took out of the dryer. Granted, there are times where her playing in her room turns into throwing diapers and shoes on the floor, but there’s nothing breakable in her room, so it’s “Clean up, pick up, put away,” time and we go from there.

The third reason why I’m learning to not hover over my child is because I don’t want her to hover over people. She learns her behavior from her parents. I have to realize that as long as she’s under our roof, my husband and I will be the first example she sees of something. My daughter is a strong-willed individual. When it comes to her snacks and toys and television time, she knows what she wants. When she wants to play by herself, she does. When she wants time and attention with her parents, she’s going to get it with no-questions asked. But while she’s off doing her own thing, I’m doing mine. And my thing is usually cleaning up, cooking, attempting to go the bathroom, or trying to do something on the creative side.

The biggest realization for me though about not hovering is the bigger accidents that have happened with my daughter, her father and I were within arms reach to grab her, but she moved faster than we could. I cannot protect her from everything. But if she makes it through the day alive then my job as a mother has been executed well.

Stay-at-Home Mom

So, my journey as a stay-at-home mother will begin at the beginning of September instead of the end of October. Doctor’s orders have a way of changing things, so for the duration of my pregnancy with my baby boy, I’ll be home having fun with my daughter, freaking out about where everything is going to go in the apartment, and pouring over Crockpot recipes to figure out which one I’ll finally make first.

Granted, all of this is happening sooner than expected, and yes, I’m totally freaking out about it, but I’m also really happy and excited. I have to trust God in this next chapter in life. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know Who holds that future, so with that knowledge alone, I know my family and I will be okay! We will be more than okay, even when we don’t feel like we are.

I’ll have to get into a new rhythm once I have my weekends back. Instead of leaving for work at six in the evening every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I’ll be eating dinner with my family and getting my daughter ready for bed. Instead of sleeping half the day on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, I’ll be up and cooking breakfast for my family or negotiating with my daughter as to why she can’t have pudding for breakfast. Not coming home at seven in the morning on Sundays means I can start going back to church and that is something I’m very excited about.

Getting used to not bringing in an income on a regular basis is also something I will have to adjust to as well. I have to realize that my worth and value are not tied to a paycheck. Being home with my family and making sure they are taken care of is important to me. Also, I can look for ways to become more creative from home, which shouldn’t be too hard with a toddler.

Life as I know it is about to become more interesting. And I’m looking forward to every moment of it!

New Beginnings

My journey as a stay-at-home mom will begin full time at the end of October. My son is due to make his arrival in December. And my two-year-old daughter is getting smarter and more rambunctious by the day! I find myself excited and nervous at the same time because I still want to figure out creative ways to generate an income while I’m at home with my tiny humans.

Granted, writing about my days as a stay-at-home mom will provide plenty of material for my blog site and that idea is definitely at the top of my list. But at some point I would like to write about more, I would like my creativity to venture into more. I feel like maybe I’m getting ahead of myself, but that’s what I do! I’m just a bundle of nerves thinking about the excitement of what lies ahead of me.

I have to remember to take everything one day at a time. Some days I may need to take everything one moment at a time. But I know what I want to do and accomplish in my time as a stay-at-home mother. I just need to be patient in my journey getting there.

Fear(Less)

“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” -Marcus Aurelius

I am presently 17 days away from my 30th birthday and for the first time in my life I have reached the realization that I don’t hate working, I just hate working for other people. I hate having my schedule dictated, I hate the politics of the workplace, and I definitely hate the unnecessary drama that seems to take place from time to time. I always opt to play it safe and with each passing day, I grow more and more frustrated. As my family grows, what I realize is that I have more to lose by remaining fearful of taking a chance on what truly matters to me.

I realize that it’s natural to be fearful in life. Not knowing what to expect when taking a risk is something to fear. But I have been fearful to the point that I start something and then don’t finish it. I have been that way for years. But now, I’m realizing being at a job that I don’t like is taking me away from my daughter. And with baby number two on the way, I definitely don’t want to be pulled away to work somewhere I don’t like. I have to get over my fear (and my impatience) and start doing the work that’s necessary to get to what I truly want to be doing with my life. I want to be home with my children, but I also want to work from home. So I need to figure out that balance and thankfully I have a husband who is supporting this goal of mine! If I’m going to work, I may as well take a risk on what I love because I’m already failing at what I don’t like!  

So I need to come up with a game plan. A generic, foolproof plan to follow would definitely work in my favor. And off the top of my head these are the things that come to mind:

  • Pray
  • Patienceclark-tibbs-367075-unsplash
  • Trust
  • Patience
  • Positive thinking
  • Patience

I have never lost sight of what I truly want, but I have never maintained the patience that is necessary to get to where I want to be. But I realize now that I have far more to lose

 by staying where I am in life. So scared or not (mostly scared) I’m going after the things that truly matter. I only have this one life to live. I spent my twenties being young, dumb, and scared. I can’t afford to take that mindset into my thirties. If I want my children to live their best lives and believe that can achieve any dreams, then I need to set that example for them. 

Life is meant to be lived. It’s time I start living!

Reintroduce Myself

Hello, again world!

My name is Krystal and welcome to my blog. My first attempt at this, I was pulling my writing in all different directions and wasn’t necessarily producing work I was proud of. I was just writing for the sake of writing. But now, I’m going to take this blog site much more seriously and push and challenge myself with my writing.

The first challenge is learning how to be more transparent. Not too transparent where every detail of my life is out there for the public, but transparent enough that my readers feel they can relate to me in some kind of way. So to start, I’ve been married for almost three years, I have a soon-to-be two-year-old daughter, and my second child is due to make their arrival in December. I’m a Christian who very much still rough around the edges. I have a passion for writing, reading, painting, and eating. I love HGTV and DIY! Network. I love coffee, but this pregnancy has diverted me more towards tea, which I also love. I have a tendency to ramble, but I always come back to the point I was trying to make…well, almost always!

Ultimately, my goal is to make people feel uplifted and inspired after reading something I wrote. And sometimes that will be a challenge. But it’s a challenge I’m willing to accept because I believe in the power of words.

Disappearing Posts

Over time, posts will start disappearing. I’ve finally decided to stop bouncing around with my writing and just stick to something that matters.

While I love writing poetry because I find it easy, I no longer feel like this blog is the right place to share my poetry, so I will be using platforms like Wattpad, Spillwords, and Twitter to share my poetry. I think Twitter will be the most fun because I’ll be limited to a set number of characters. So naturally the first posts to go will be the poetry.

I have decided to start taking this blog more seriously. I’m going to have to if I want to become a serious writer and blogger.

So that’s basically it for now. This blog is getting a reset.

And eventually this blog post will disappear too!

Writing Hiatus

Well, last weekend I found out I’m pregnant with my second child and that exciting (but very surprising) news put everything to a halt for me. Well, for the most part, all of my creative endeavors came to a halt. I just needed some time to focus on the game-changing news that a new little human will be added to our family in December.

But I’m slowly coming back around to writing. Life has taken me and my family in a new direction, so naturally, I feel that my writing should as well! I’m just excited for the next chapter that is to come and I would like my writing to reflect that accordingly!

All For Nothing

So, I’m having one of those lovely days where everything feels stupid. I feel like any and everything I’ve done with my writing is for nothing. I just want to stay in bed, put the covers over my head, and give up.

But life doesn’t work like that. Everything I’m doing will one day pay off. That’s what I have to remember. I can’t let a perfectly beautiful day escape me. I can’t ignore the opportunity to add more to a novel. I can’t let the chance to brainstorm a new idea go to waste. I have to keep going, especially on the days I just don’t want to. None of the words seem right, but it’s something written to be edited on another day.

So today sucks. But I’m alive. I’m drinking good coffee. I’m blessed with an opportunity to do some crappy writing. And I have a loving husband and spunky toddler waiting for me when I get home! All is well in the end. Regardless of what my feelings are trying to get me to believe.